24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
