Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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