i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
