don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
