so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
