Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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