I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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