you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
