i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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