Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
