did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
