I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
