Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
