Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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