mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
