I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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