She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
