You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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