I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
