So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
