Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
