I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
