I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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