If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
