sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
