do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
