Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
