Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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