walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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