Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
