im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Randomize
