put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Randomize
