He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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