Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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