I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
