drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
