Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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