he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
