you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
