i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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