so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
