i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Randomize
