Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You are a genius and a whore.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
