You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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