So drunk its hurt
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
