Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
