Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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