I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
