That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
