physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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