So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
